OREM, Utah — On a beautiful Sunday, under sunny skies and a light breeze, people gathered at CenterPoint church for the first Sunday services since conservative activist Charlie Kirk was killed during a speaking event at nearby Utah Valley University.
Inside the evangelical church, the air felt heavy.
A 10-member band sang "Firm Foundation," the song that emphasizes when you build your faith on Jesus Christ, you have an unshakable foundation, even when life's circumstances are chaotic or unstable. The song's lyrics say, "Christ is my firm foundation. The rock on which I stand when everything around me is shaken."
Lead pastor Mike Smith welcomed the crowd and addressed the tragic events from last week head-on.
"What we experienced last week wasn't distant news to us. It was right here," he said.
The church is packed — it seats 600 — and today many people stood in the back. The service is also recorded and livestreamed so congregants elsewhere can watch.
"We get it and we're grieving with you. We're coming with you and we're here for you," Smith said. "And whatever you walked in here with, whatever difficult emotions you carry with you. It's OK. It's OK to be not OK today."
He told congregants that the killing of Kirk last week will remain a core memory for all. "But here's what else I will always remember about last week. I witnessed people choose love in the face of hate." Smith said he saw people helping and supporting each other.
"In a critical moment, you chose the Jesus way and you responded. Now, I want to be very clear. We still have an enemy whose name is Satan."
A suspect, 22-year-old Tyler Robinson, has been arrested. He's to be formally charged on Tuesday.
A mourning, grieving community begins working through trauma
The church membership is diverse. Smith reminds congregants that not all look the same, "We don't all think the same. We don't all vote the same. And that's OK. Because the thing that unites you and me and us here is the personal work of Jesus Christ," Smith said.
The UVU campus is about a mile from CenterPoint. Some church attendees work at the university and others go to school there, like 20-year-old Daniela Aldama. She's a junior studying forensic science and pre-law. She said the pastor's message resonated with her.
"It was great that he just focused on really spreading love and not hate and to support each other no matter what you believe in."
Aldama didn't know a lot about Charlie Kirk. She had been curious about the event on campus that he was speaking at, but decided to go to class instead. She does have sympathy for Kirk and his family, she said in an NPR interview.
"I think whatever you believe in, no man should have been killed for speaking what he believes in. And I also don't think you should make him a martyr, because at the end of the day, he's just a man," Aldama said.
Patrick Lane also attended the service. A construction worker and Kirk fan, he did not attend the UVU event. He said he also chose not to watch the killing on social media to preserve his mental health.
He attends service every Sunday, but this Sunday felt different, 19-year-old Lane said. "There's definitely a lot of hurt. I think a lot of mourning and a lot of trauma," since the assassination.
"I also think that it's been inspiring to see how many people have stepped up to comfort people and pray with them. You know, the church really stepped up to help college students who were really struggling with that and offer safety when the shooting was happening," Lane said, as he became emotional.
It's not business as usual at CenterPoint anymore
On Sunday, a police officer kept guard at the church, making the rounds. Before Kirk's killing, volunteers walked around to make sure everything was OK.
Also, in the lobby, there was a small table offering counseling resources. Therapists Jamie Morningstar and Farrah Petersen stood by to answer questions and offer names and contact information of therapists. They also offered a tipsheet called "Coping with a Tragic Act of Violence" And the two were busy.
CenterPoint also organized a Hope and Healing session to help congregants. Dozens of people stayed for the session, which was run by therapists. They said it was not a therapy session, but a coping guidance session.
Leah Harter, a clinical mental health counselor, told the group she knows the emotions they're experiencing. Harter graduated from Columbine High School in Colorado seven years after two students killed 14 people in 1999.
"What you saw was horrible and traumatic. I am sure you are feeling that. Cry, cry as much as you feel like," said Harter, "it's good for you." When people experience violence and trauma, she said, there are layers and layers of loss.
"Maybe feeling super overwhelmed, maybe very disoriented. Feeling powerless. There's a loss of your sense of safety, loss of hope. I think that's really tough for all of us," she said.
These losses, Harter said, lead to a lot of grief. She went through the steps of grief, but told them the process is not linear and not easy. "There are moments where you may be feeling really shocked, in denial. It's really asking the question, this cannot be happening. I can't believe it happened," she said. "Then it can be anger. Why? Why did this happen? Who's responsible for this? And then the final stage is finding meaning."
Some people sobbed during the session, holding each other tight. Others took notes.
Right now, you can't see the meaning, but eventually, down the road, Harter said, "my hope is that we can find some sort of meaning that good can come out of a tragic situation. But it's a process to get there. It's just so much pain and hurt."
Pastor Smith reminded people that this unchosen journey they have just begun is going to be long, but necessary.
"This is not the kind of thing that we get to acknowledge on one Sunday and move on. In fact, we're going to be navigating this as a community and as a church family for weeks and months to come," he said.
The Orem community is forever changed and it's up to people to put it back together, said Smith.
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